Klaske van Sluis

138 8.4. Results going to leave him. (. . . ) I refused to be a wife who is just being tolerated. (. . . ) Like some kind of glorified housemaid, you know. No way. Take it or leave it. (Participant 7) Three respondents discussed their experiences regarding sexual intercourse. One respondent started having intercourse again after bringing this subject up with her husband; she stated that she needed intimacy. Two respondents no longer had sexual intercourse after total laryngectomy. One indicated that she did not feel comfortable to have sex because of her changed voice and the risk of coughing. The single participant had her total laryngectomy at the age of 45 and did not find a partner after surgery. She started to date after her rehabili- tation period. Before the procedure, she experienced being quite popular with the opposite sex. After being rejected repeatedly because of her voice after the surgery, she stopped dating. One respondent gave birth to two children after her surgery. She discussed her wish to conceive with her specialist, since she worried about her physical abilities (e.g. push during labour). In hindsight, she indicates that she did not experience any problems from her condition dur- ing this period, except for the voice prosthesis which was dislocated due to hormonal changes. Participants experienced changes in social contact with unfamiliar people. Participants frequently experienced negative reactions or assumptions regard- ing their voice, in direct interactions as well as over the telephone. Many re- spondents discussed being self-conscious about their appearance and how they present themselves to others, by covering their stoma, for example. Some men- tioned listeners associate the sound of their altered voice with being grumpy or interpret it as masculine. As one participant stated: the post office about a delivery, [they’d say]: ‘Sir, stop complaining.’ And then when I would come pick it up, they would say: ‘Oh. . . ’. They always think I am a man [before seeing me]. (. . . ) People [also] treat me gruffly. Then, when they see me in real life, they suddenly become very friendly. (Participant 4) (When I would telephone) Among family and friends, participants often experienced understanding and support. Nevertheless, these intimates also needed to get used to the alter- ations following total laryngectomy. In particular, respondents’ new method of speaking, which is slower, less clear, and less loud, affected their ability to inter- act with others. All respondents experienced limitations in social situations that require shouting, whispering, singing, reading out loud, providing quick retorts, or expressing emotions vocally (e.g. laughing, crying). Consequently, some par- ticipants eventually withdrew from social situations that involved groups: is different when everyone is over here [at my house] for my birthday. You barely hear me talking then. I’ll just be sitting there, watching everything. It is harder for me to be intelligible [in a group]. [So] I just don’t [speak]. (Participant 1) (Communicating)