Gersten Jonker

98   Chapter 4 Despite this expectation not to do well and the absence of formal consequences, all students regarded their performance and knowledge level as “a shocking revelation” and “disappointing” to varying degrees. Basically, I think it’s a matter of not wanting to fail. And you know you will fail. (P4) It was very intense. I was confronted with my incompetence, the realness of the simulation, and the demanding nature of emergency situations. It truly was a mirror. (P3) It was so bizarre that I didn’t notice the patient was basically bleeding out. It was so obvious! . . . It’s just a shocking revelation. Because at these moments, you realize you are far from knowing enough [to manage] such a situation. (P6) That evening, I thought:“Hopefully I won’t experience these feelings as a qualified doctor.” Being at such a loss. (P2) Of course it is frustrating to still feel, after 5 years of studying, like [you are] failing. (P4) Being observed and assessed Generally, students did not mind, hardly noticed, or tended to forget the observation. Several students mentioned the one-way screen helped them to ignore the fact that they were being watched. Also, the staff’s attitude was helpful. Students appreciated the nonjudgmental and informal atmosphere and that they knew who was observing. I knew [the staff] weren’t eager to let us fail. Rather to make sure we learn something. (P9) During moments of uncertainty, students became slightly more aware of the one-way mirror, and a few were preoccupied by the ongoing assessment of their performance. I am being watched. I must do something! (P3) When the scenario ended, I walked out, and then I realized they have seen me blow it. That voice saying, “Let’s stop” felt a bit like a condemnation. Especially if the scenario went badly. Then it [leaving the room] kind of felt like a walk of shame. (P2) [Note: The facilitator’s actual words were “End of scenario.”]