Donna Frost

Chapter 5 158 Old patterns I am startled by a long-necked, small-headed animal crouching on a fallen log. My heart rate increases, I feel alert and a little uneasy. I give it a wide berth and keep an eye on it out of the corner of my eye. The animal remains perfectly still yet focused on my movements. I realize, all at once, that it is not an animal at all. It is just the roots of a fallen tree. I laugh at myself. What would a beady-eyed emu or territorial swan be doing in the woods in Holland anyway?! Yet even as I laugh I notice that I still feel nervous, not yet completely at ease. My body continues to feel the effects of the adrenaline even though my mind has established that there is no risk at all. I don’t feel quite as safe as previously. This is a bodily reaction that can’t be taken at face value. It needs to be questioned, as does the evidence of my eyes: after realizing that I am looking at tree roots and having turned away focusing again on the path, I look back once more at the fallen log. Even now I have trouble convincing my ‘eyes’ that there is no long-necked creature to be seen. So convincing is the illusion that I am surprised and even disappointed to find, when taking a photo of the weird root formation, that through the camera lens the roots look just like what they are – the roots of a fallen tree. The lights and shadows that had combined to form the illusion could not be reproduced with my smartphone camera. Yet my body tricked me. And it managed to do so a second time, even when I knew the truth. This experience highlights the importance of having to verify our observations and inner sensations. My initial reaction to the strange root formation was perhaps an example of an old pattern that ‘took over’ my system and set my body on high alert. Even after figuring out what was really going on the emotional response was still strong enough to make me look twice. The mis-match between my cognitive and bodily knowingwas not easily dispelled but it was a good indication that I needed to take a good look at what was happening. Looking through a different lens, literally in this example, was helpful. The pattern of light and shadow was changed and so was my perspective.