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Chapter 4 52 In a minimal sense, ‘parent-child relationship’ refers only to the biological (genetic) connection between parent and child. Usually, however, we think of it in ‘thicker’ terms, as a relationship that involves care and education (child-rearing), and as an intimate relationship. Martha Nussbaum distinguishes four characteristics of intimate relationships. First, they are very important to people’s flourishing, both in a subjective and objective sense. Second, such relationships render us vulnerable. Third, when such a relationship breaks up, the damage goes ‘to the heart of who one is’ and fourth, we usually like the people with whom we have an intimate relationship. 6 Specific for the intimacy of the parent-child relationship seems to us that parents have a relationship with their child. Furthermore, when people speak of the parent-child relationship, they generally refer to a culturally informed conception of the parent-child relationship, which includes diverse evaluative and normative ideas about how parents and children should relate to each other, and ideas about what it means for a parent to raise a child. 7 We can think of psychological concepts like ‘attachment’ that shape ideas about child-rearing, 8 or of dominant sets of cultural repertoires as for example described by sociologist Annette Lareau. 9 It includes several facets, or different types of relationships. For example: members of the same household, a relationship as family members, and maybe, to a certain extent, a relationship as friends. 10 But a distinctive and important facet of their intimate relationship is that parents raise their children. In 1984 Ben Spiecker introduced what he calls ‘the pedagogical relationship’ as the ‘foundation of the theory of education’ in the English speaking world. 11 ‘Pedagogical’ as it is used here has a far broader meaning than its common English use. Pedagogical , as it is used in Dutch and German, refers to the (guiding) role that adults play, and should play, in the development of children towards adulthood. 12 Likewise, Ramaekers and Suissa explain that ‘although appropriately applied to teachers, the original Dutch term [ pedagogische relatie , (pedagogical relationship)] also refers 6 Nussbaum 2016, pp. 93-95. 7 See for example Noddings 1984, who shows how parental care and the parent-child relationship are inherently connected to conceptions of the good life. 8 ‘Attachment theory’ is a psychological theory that argues for the importance of secure attachment for children’s later development which has had a tremendous influence on our current ideas about the importance of a good parent-child relationship. See for example Bowlby 1985 and Bowlby 1969. Attachment theory has roots both in the classical psychoanalytical idea of the importance of early childhood and the relationship of dependence between mother and infant, see Winnicott 1965; and the ethological idea of ‘imprinting’, see Lorenz 1952. 9 Lareau 2011. Lareau describes two prominent cultural repertoires in America: concerted cultivation , which refers to good parenting as developing one’s children’s talents in a concerted fashion (mostly observed in middle-class families) and accomplishment of natural growth , which sees as important to facilitate children’s natural development (mostly observed in working-class and poor families). See also chapter 5. 10 Kristjánsson 2006. 11 Spiecker 1984, p. 203. 12 Idem.