15315-wolbert

Chapter 4 57 failure of the whole activity of Erziehung . This does not mean, however, that parents should knowingly steer towards such an almost-failure; the learning opportunity lies in the sincerity (and thus existentiality) of recognizing the possibility of true and total failure. 28 Secondly, Erziehung can fail without demonstrable mistakes being made or irrespective of such mistakes (on either side of the parent-child relationship). Thus, also when it is unclear whether the parent can be held responsible for the failure of the Erziehung , existential failure implies that, because the parent has risked herself while being a parent and raising her child, it is still experienced as a personal failure. The parent is committed to the Erziehung , has put herself on the line, and in that sense, regardless of what has caused the failure, the parent would experience it as existential failure. Bollnow gives an example of the pedagogical relationship between a supervisor and her PhD student. 29 The inevitable tension between showing the PhD student the way (offering guidance) and letting her find her own way (creating space, offering trust) makes this a Wagnis , for it is uncertain what the right pedagogical choice is, and, for the supervisor, the success or failure of the supervision of the dissertation is a personal matter. She is risking herself in taking up this supervision, although it is not necessarily said that in case of failure the supervisor has made mistakes. This example shows how Bollnow sees existential risk as possible in every pedagogical relationship, not only in the parent-child relationship. This does however not imply that every educational activity is (potentially) a Wagnis , but it does imply that also teachers not only perform tasks, but sometimes risk themselves in educating the child. 30 Parenthood as a Wagnis Judith Suissa argues that ‘being a parent is intimately tied up with issues of our own identity, and with our values and choices in other areas of our lives’. 31 Being a parent can therefore not be accurately described as a task, as merely doing something. If we would describe parenthood as a series of tasks, that would impoverish the notion of parenthood. 32 Even though parents differ in the way they see themselves as parents – for example for some parents having children is what makes their life meaningful, while for others this is less or not so – we agree with Suissa that for all parents it must ring true that ‘parenthood’ says something about who they are , and that how they 28 Ibid., p. 150. 29 Ibid., p. 139. 30 However, in the case of the PhD supervisor it is not altogether clear whether this needs to be an existential risk. One could also argue that acting as a supervisor is merely a task which she does. It is conceivable that some PhD supervisors consider supervision to be merely a task which they execute, and it is this task that might fail or not (a Risiko instead of a Wagnis ). 31 Suissa 2006, p. 73. 32 Ibid., p. 72.