218 PART TWO: AN EMPIRICAL ACCOUNT sensed that there might be something significant about it. Therefore, I decided to follow up on it like I did in the above sample, as well as in the second interview with BE. At first, he is again reluctant to discuss it, yet in the end, he elaborates on it: BE: {laughs} … … I shouldn’t have told it. FW: No? Why not? BE: And what shall I, what is the question? FW: Why shouldn’t you have told it? Um, no, why, um, did it express a need to um… um, to, to, to be acknowledged or something? BE: No, no, I think it was rather, um, no, no, no, not to be recognized, or acknowledged by, no, um… I think it was a way, perhaps very naive {laughs}, and in not conscious way, as I can read it now, uh, from my part, to try, yes, to be in communion with the institution, with the… bigger authority, or whatever, of the church, in which this celebration was, was done. So, just the way, yes, to be perhaps, not to be recognized, but me to be… to have more, more visible sign of this being able to take part, or to be part of this other church. It was not the idea to make publicity, or to, to be seen, because of course, I was not just alone {laughs} and nobody would know that I, uh… (a door opens, a man interrupts with a question, then leaves) Uh… yes, just the idea, my desire to be part of this communion more than to be recognized as a person, or… FW: But is there a similarity in, in joining this community? And like the naive way which you acted back then? BE: Perhaps, uh, of course, as here, the Eucharist is only celebrated in this language, or in this tradition, of course taking part in the celebration, or receiving Communion means the way also for me to say, uh, I want to be part of this communion, um… but I think, no, pfff… yes, of course there is this same desire, being part of this communion. Perhaps here, as it is more regular… I don’t have this desire to be {laughs} exactly receiving Communion by this real, the person, the presiding person of the, of the liturgies, of course, uh, and anyway, as it is organized here, I don’t have to choose were to go, but I go where, where it’s the nearest. Um… yes, but probably, it expressed already at that time, uh… let’s say, twenty, twenty-five years ago, uh, it expressed already what I try now to live in a more… in a more regular, and… ordinary way. So, this idea of being part… of
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